Hey Again, I'm Still Here

Hey weird beards, just wanted to let everyone know I haven't been able to blog in a while, school and shit. But I plan on picking up the pace with a winter themed semi-truthful story sometime in the next week. To coast you over, though, here's a story I wrote for my English class. It's actually got some pretty good literary merit for a late night homework assignment, I think.

A daily event in my life is hanging out with (meaning I take care of) Charlie Sheen for an hour every night. Sometimes we go to the mall.

A typical conversation between Charlie and me:

Charlie: "David, you wanna improvise a pipe bomb and throw it at that crowd of expecting mothers over there?"

Me: "No, not really, Charlie."

He will often then take the ensuing lull in conversation to aver that he is, indeed, winning. There is no way to verify this statement, and I assume it to be false.

Charlie is generally very visually appealing, so at least I don't look like I'm babysitting a crazy person.

Sometimes I envision a life where I do allow Charlie Sheen to throw a pipe bomb into a crowd of pregnant women buying baby toys and maternity clothes and cigarettes and sex toys, just to see where it goes from there. Probably nowhere good, but who really knows?

Tonight I wake up at 3:00 AM because my phone is ringing. It is Charlie Sheen

"Hey David. Visibility is low tonight."

"What? Why are you outside then?"

"I'm hunting."

"Oh, Jesus, what are you hunting dude?"

"People."

Oh, no. Did I just here a rifle clicking over the line? Shit. I really need to revise my life plan.